PANIC rar-3 Page 10

  And all four of us participated in it. It wasn’t just her, it wasn’t just me, or Spencer, or Ford. It was all of us. We got caught up in the shit and the shit kicked our asses.

  Us guys share that regret and I suppose that’s what keeps us so connected. Her death mixed with the knowledge of how much power we have as a team. How much damage we’re actually capable of. Because after Mardee died, we wielded that power to the extreme for the better part of a year.

  Until we conned the wrong guy.

  The bathroom door opens and I drag myself out of the past. Elise comes back with red eyes and a sniffly nose. “What’s wrong, Ellie?” I asks her softly. She drops down next to me and I wrap her up in my arms and pull her close. “You’re just emotional because of the pregnancy. Don’t cry.”

  She cries harder.

  I should know better. When you tell a girl not to cry, they really think you’re telling them to go for it.

  “Tell me,” I say in French, because French is the language of Antoine and our charmed life with him. It’s a reminder that we are good, and happy, and normal. “You can tell me, Elise. I’m a good listener.”

  “I’m gonna screw up this kid, Ronin,” she replies in English. “I have no idea how to be a good mother.”

  “Oh, come on.” I tsk my tongue at her. “You’re just being silly now. And you know what?”

  She looks up at me with her red and watery eyes. “What?”

  “You did a pretty good job with me. You raised me since I was a baby. You changed my diapers and fed me and made sure I took baths and brushed my teeth. When people used to ask who my mother was when I was a kid, I’d always tell them you. It kinda freaked some people out once you got to be a teenager.” She stops crying for a second and huffs out a half laugh. “You know exactly what to do with a baby because you’ve already done it with me. And barring that one near-grand jury indictment, I came out just fine.”

  She laughs for real now and I know I’ve won.

  “You’d be a good father too, Ronin.”

  “Yeah, I really would.” I kiss my sister on the head as she wipes her tears and settles down. “I’m looking forward to being a father, actually. And your new guy will be the perfect petit garçon to practice on.”

  We watch a bunch of Vampire Diaries shit for the next couple hours and she tells me the whole story, explaining every freaking detail of Stefan, Damon, Elena and what the fuck ever. I try to listen, but I’m too preoccupied with daydreams of baby girls who look like Rook to do more than give her an obligatory nod every once in a while.

  Chapter Eighteen - ROOK

  My life has gone from fast and fabulous to dead-ass boring in one week. Last week I was Rook, super naked model for Antoine Chaput and the human canvas for Spencer Shrike’s amazing artwork. Now I’m a receptionist who has no idea how to subtract negative numbers and requires a paid tutor even though she is twenty fucking years old. The phone rings and I pick it up. “Good afternoon, Spencer Shrike Bikes, this is Rook, how can I help you?”

  You see? This is my new life.

  “Yes,” I say back to the person on the line as I click through the bike production schedule on the computer. “We have a Skype conference scheduled for next Monday at ten thirty AM mountain time.”

  I make appointments. I pick up tailpipes from the chrome guy down in La Porte and painted frames from the body shop in Fort Collins. Sometimes, if my day is really exciting, I also swing by the upholsterer’s shop in Loveland and grab a bike seat or two.

  “Great, I’ll call you five minutes before the meeting and we’ll get your bike in production,” I say enthusiastically to the guy on the other end of the phone. “Thanks!”

  I hang up the phone and turn back to the shop. Ford’s presence startles me because I didn’t hear him walk over. “What’s up?” I ask.

  Ford’s job here is still undefined. I’m not sure why he’s on the show, let alone what his purpose is in Spencer’s shop. But no one cares what I think. I’m a fucking receptionist now, so I have to make coffee, and take sandwich orders for all these men, and when we have person-to-person meetings with important people who are gonna be on the show—we’ve got famous bikers coming out of the fucking walls already and we’ve only taped two days—it’s my job to flirt with them.

  “I need to go town. Need anything?”

  “Do I need anything? Yeah, you know what I need? A life, that’s what I need. Can you pick one up for me?”

  Ford scowls at me. “Why are you such a bitch today?”

  I sigh. “I have to take a test for math by tomorrow and I’m still confused. Plus, I’d like to go see Ronin early, but fucking Spencer has some guy coming in for the show, so they want me here until six tomorrow. So how am I supposed to get to Ronin’s early if I’m stuck here until six and I have to take a test after?”

  “Cheat on the test and tell Spence to fuck off.” He shrugs, like that’s the most stupid simple answer in the world.

  “Cheat? That’s real nice, Ford.”

  “That’s why I hired that tutor in the first place, Rook. I never expected you to actually learn the shit. When he called Monday night and said you didn’t want him to take the tests for you I was appalled by your morals.”

  I laugh a little. “I’m not against working the system, Ford. Seriously, I’m not some high-and-mighty moral fuck who looks down on people who take shortcuts or whatever. But if I am gonna screw up my karma with underhanded tactics, I’m gonna do it for a subject that is not pre-fucking-algebra, OK? I’m gonna do it for biology or the real algebra class I have to take next semester, the one that counts.”

  “OK, I see your point for that one, but you can still tell Spencer to fuck off.”

  I laugh again. “What are you getting in town?”

  “An apartment.”

  “What? Why? You’re gonna move out?”

  He smiles coyly as his eyes dart around the shop. “No, not exactly. I just need a place. A place that’s not here.”

  “Uh-huh. For that pet of yours?”

  “No, I’m trying something different now.”

  “Get the fuck out of my reception area. I’m busy.”

  He walks out the front door laughing.

  I shudder and try to get that image out of my head. I can’t stand to think of Ford with these girls. It makes me sick. He knows this too, and I think he likes making me uncomfortable with the notion of his personal life.

  Or maybe it’s all in my head. Ford probably doesn’t give one shit about what I think of him.

  I check the clock and it’s almost six, so I shut down the computer and clean up my desk so it looks presentable for the cameras. They’re not here today, but they will be tomorrow because that important biker dude is taping his show. My phone buzzes just as I’m about to throw it in my purse and I read the text from Ronin.

  Working late. Call you tomorrow.

  I don’t text back because that’s the second time this week he said that and it’s pissing me off.

  This job sucks. The money is good, ten thousand dollars an episode, but do I really need another hundred and twenty thousand dollars?

  I shrug to myself. It’s a lot of money to most people. Hell, it’s a lot of money to me, but it doesn’t mean much when I have plenty of money these days.

  I slip on my Shrike Bikes leather jacket that Spencer had custom-made for my birthday, grab my purse and backpack, and peek around the wall that separates my area from the shop. They are all busy behind the glass, laughing and joking as they work. These fucking guys love their jobs. They stay until all hours—hell, they practically live here. I push the door open and the noise of men leaks out. “Hey, I’m taking off, Spencer. I have to meet my tutor, OK?”

  All of them wave but only Spencer calls out a ‘goodbye.’

  Yup. I’m no one special here, that’s for sure.

  I walk up the driveway to my Shrike truck, throw my bag and purse onto the passenger seat, and climb in. I do love this truck, though. Although I’m c
areful not to speed on the road into town. That deputy who busted me for speeding is always on the lookout. I think he wants to date me though, not write a ticket.

  I’d rather get the ticket. So I drive the fucking speed limit all the way into Fort Collins. And let me tell you this, living thirty minutes from town sucks. I hate it. La Porte is not very far, but that place has nothing, it might as well be Bellvue. It takes even longer to get to my community college because it’s all the way on the south side of FoCo, so by the time I make it to the math building, grab all my shit, and haul myself across the parking lot, my tutor Gage is already waiting for me outside.

  “We gotta go somewhere else tonight, Rook. Water pipe broke and there’s a massive clean-up going on in there.”

  Gage is kinda hot for a nerd. He doesn’t have those stupid black glasses and he doesn’t wear a pen protector in his pocket, but he’s definitely a nerd. I know this because I asked him what he does on the weekends yesterday and he said study. He’s in some special engineering department down at CU Boulder, not regular building stuff, but like robots or mechanical hearts or some shit like that.

  “Well, where can we go? I’m not familiar with this area, Gage, sorry. You’ll have to pick.”

  “There’s a coffee shop with wireless down the street. We could go there.”

  “Great,” I say as we make our way back to the parking lot. “I’ll follow you.”

  I have a better parking spot than he does, so I reach my truck first. He eyeballs it with a weird look on his face as he walks past. Probably wondering what I’m doing with a Shrike Bikes vehicle. It’s pretty conspicuous, this truck. I really need to buy a car of my own so I can blend in.

  I pull the truck out and look around to see what he’s driving. There’s only one car on the move and that’s an old-ass light blue Camaro. He waves at me to follow and we pull out.

  The coffee shop is busy and loud when we walk in, but Gage points to the back where there’s doors separating a section from the main room and a sign that says, Study Area.

  We’re the only people in there, but he picks a table in the corner to get away from the noise in the other room.

  “OK, here’s the deal. That guy who hired me for you called earlier and said you need to take that test tonight so you can leave town tomorrow. So we’re gonna pull up the test, you can do it yourself, but if you have a question, I’ll be here to answer it.”

  “That’s cheating.”

  “It’s an online math class, Rook. Everyone is cheating. It’s open book, anyway. What’s the difference?”

  “I just don’t want help. I’d rather you check my work that I did last night and explain where I went wrong. I’ll take the test tomorrow night like I planned, my boyfriend down in Denver will wait and Ford can just butt the fuck out of my life. It’s none of his business, and just because he’s the one who pays you doesn’t mean you have to listen to him. I can pay you myself, you know. I don’t need his money.”

  Gage is staring at me with another weird look.

  “What?” I ask.

  He laughs. Like loud.

  “What?”

  “I knew it!”

  “Knew what?”

  “Ford? The guy who hired me is Ford Aston, isn’t it?”

  “Um, well, I don’t actually know his last name but—”

  “Rich, pretentious asshole?”

  I laugh. “Yeah, that’s him.”

  “And you drive a Shrike Bikes truck because you’re working for Spencer Shrike?”

  “Yeeeahhhh…”

  “Please tell me the guy you’re meeting in Denver tomorrow is not Ronin Flynn. Please.”

  “Why?” My heart starts beating super-fast at the mention of Ronin’s name. “He’s my boyfriend, why?”

  “Are you from here?”

  “No, what’s that got to do with anything?”

  He shakes his head as he laughs, then huffs out a long breath of air. “Well, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but your friends are bad fucking news. And if I were you, I’d get as far away from them as you possibly can because they committed a high-profile murder a couple years back and walked away free and clear on a technicality.”

  Chapter Nineteen - ROOK

  I blow through the doors of Best Buy on College Ave on my way home from tutoring and before the greeter guy can ask me what I need I bark out, “Laptops?” I’m already moving down the aisle he’s pointing to before he can get the words out. Back in computers another kid wants to help me so I manage to say, “The best laptop you have, now.”

  Ten minutes later I’m cruising back down College, my mind racing with wild imagery of my friends committing murder. I need to do some serious research and a phone browser just isn’t cutting it. Hence the laptop purchase.

  I played it cool with Gage earlier. “Oh, that,” I snorted. “I know the inside story, it’s nothing.”

  I’m pretty sure he saw through me because I’m a terrible liar, but it was all I had in me. My head was spinning the whole time. I told him I’d do the test tonight on his computer if he left me alone so I wasn’t tempted to cheat. I did take the test, but I definitely failed. That’s because the only thing on my mind was the fucking search page I pulled up and was glancing at on and off while I was trying to subtract negative numbers.

  How the fuck did I never think to Google these guys? How? After all I’ve been through, how the hell did I not even once get curious?

  Because Gage was not lying. I found an article almost immediately, but I didn’t want to leave a search history on his computer, and I don’t have my own computer at Spencer’s, I just use his.

  So manic shopping spree through Best Buy at eight forty-five PM was in order.

  I do not even know how I got myself back to Spence’s house, but here I am, sitting in the idling truck in the driveway.

  The outside light goes on and Spencer peeks out the door. “Hey, comin’ in or what?”

  I turn the truck off and grab all my shit and go inside.

  “What’s all that?” Spence asks as I struggle with all the bags. I got an extra power cord and a battery and pretty much everything else the salesman said I needed just so I didn’t have to fight with him about it.

  “Just a computer, you know I should have my own, right? I’ll need it for class.” I smile and make my way towards the stairs. “Well, I’m beat and we have a big day tomorrow, so I’ll see you in the AM. Night, Spencer!”

  “Night, Blackbird,” he calls out softly to me. It’s like he knows. Something’s off with me.

  Shit, shit, shit.

  But when I get downstairs to my apartment and look back, he’s not following me, so I push through the door and dump all my shit on the new couch and then start tearing into the bags. An hour later my computer’s up and running and connected to the house wireless.

  I wonder if they can see my browsing history remotely?

  I’m a paranoid freak because of Jon. But I don’t have the patience. And besides, what would they do if I found out? I mean, seriously? They have to know that I’d stumble onto it eventually.

  I plug their names into the search bar and I swear my heart skips when I see what the headlines actually say.

  Brutal Slaying by Local Golden Boys

  Boulder Seeks Grand Jury Indictment of Aston, Flynn, and Shrike

  Golden Boys Walk!

  I lean back on the couch after reading more than two dozen articles and let out a long breath. “Well, Rook. You sure can pick them.”

  What should I do? Should I leave? Should I confront Ronin? Should I ignore it?

  I run through each one—it would be stupid to just leave. I could, I have plenty of money, but these guys have been very good to me. And Ronin’s never lied about anything before. He told me all about Mardee and he admitted that they set Jon up. And I can’t confront them. I’m not a confrontational person, it makes me sick, actually. I can’t even imagine doing that.

  So ignore it?

  How? How can I ig
nore the fact that some millionaire businessman up in the Boulder hills was brutally killed a few years ago and my fucking boyfriend and his BFFs are the ones who were accused?

  And the article says straight up the DA had the evidence but they couldn’t use it in court because they obtained it illegally.

  But this is Ronin, Rook. Do not overreact.

  I clear my browser, cookies, and cache just in case.

  Just in case what?

  Shit, I’m doing it again! I’m acting like I was back in Chicago with Jon.

  But I shut the computer down clean all the same, then take it in my room with me as I sit on my bed.

  The bed that Ronin purchased for me, along with all the other stuff in this apartment. It’s way more than ten thousand dollars’ worth of stuff. The TV, the surround sound, the furniture, the kitchenette supplies.

  But he did lie to the police about Jon. And he was quite convincing. They left me alone all afternoon before asking for my statement. I didn’t need to lie, actually. Everything I said in my statement was true. Ronin said he saw the threatening texts on my phone, but I never saw them, and that’s what I said. But then Ronin was right there next to me, saying he hid them from me so I wouldn’t get scared.

  The cops never even blinked at his lie.

  And Ford hired Gage to help me in math and enrolled me in college. He’s been so good to me.

  Actually, he hacked me into that college. Sure, I paid the fees and everything, and it’s even out-of-state tuition because I haven’t lived in Colorado for a year yet. But still, he cheated to get me in because I was supposed to take a test to see which classes I was eligible for, and I never did that. He faked my test scores because he’s a super hacker genius or something. I’m not really one hundred percent sure what Ford is, I just know he can do that shit like Jon. Only better, because we won and Jon lost. And it was all because of Ford.

  And Spencer is so nice. I’ve spent a lot of time with Spencer, very close and intimate time, and he was never anything but nice. I love the hell out of Spencer.