PANIC rar-3 Read online

  “A Cinderella ball,” she coos in my ear.

  “Oh, fuck, Rook. Do that again and I’ll never let you out of the apartment tonight.”

  “Fat chance of that now! I’m wearing that damn dress. I’m not sure what you’ve got planned, but whatever it is, I’m going.”

  She skips away making happy squeals and calling out guesses about where we’re going. “A fundraiser?”

  “Nope,” I say as I button up my shirt.

  “A private jet to… well, shit, there’s no classy cities close to Denver, so… Albuquerque?”

  I laugh. “Only Bugs Bunny goes to Albuquerque.”

  She snorts for real at that remark. “That’s funny.” I tuck my shirt in and go for the bow tie. “Somewhere in the mountains?”

  “Try again.”

  I grab my suit coat and slide it on, then check myself in the full-length mirror. There’s no way I’ll be able to live up to how beautiful Rook will be tonight, but it will have to do.

  “Zip me,” she says quietly from behind.

  I turn and take her in. I didn’t pick this dress, Elise did. In fact, Rook has no idea, but it was made especially for her by a fashion friend of Antoine’s. We’ve been planning this night for more than a month. It’s a floor-length strapless white gown with the slightest mermaid shape to it. Not enough to make her look ridiculous, just enough so that the smooth fabric hugs every curve on her body and flares out near her feet. And Rook has all the right curves in all the right places. She’s nothing like the skinny models who came through here today and I love everything about her shape. The tail drags just enough to make her look like she’s floating when she walks, but not enough so that it will cause problems in a crowd.

  “What’s the occasion, then?” she asks coyly. Clearly she knows what the occasion is, but she’s fishing to see if I know.

  “The occasion? I don’t need a special occasion to take you to the ball.”

  “So it is a big event?”

  “Yes,” I say as I turn her around and slide that zipper up her back. I lean in and nibble behind her neck. “Leave your hair down tonight, OK?”

  “Yes, sir,” she says with a wink as she pulls back.

  But she’s not getting away that easy. “You can’t yes, sir me and then expect to walk away without a reminder of what’s to come later.” My hand reaches behind her neck and I press her whole body into mine, then kiss her, raking my fingers up into her long dark hair and fisting it a little as she moans and throws her head back. I know she likes some of the dominant stuff we do in the bedroom, but I don’t try it often. It took me all fucking summer to get over what her ex did to her as a teenager. But that awkward feeling is beginning to fade. And I’m not sure it was ever a real problem with her, so maybe tonight she’d like to do something fun.

  “I hope that’s a promise, Mr. Flynn.”

  When she says my name like that it takes my breath away. I want her to be my Mrs. Flynn so bad it makes my heart ache, but I refuse to pressure her. I want her to come to me when she’s ready. “Miss Corvus, don’t ever doubt me.” Her blue eyes sparkle when she looks up to me and for a moment I can actually picture our beautiful family. A whole gang of little blue-eyed cherubs running around.

  It makes me sigh.

  “What are you thinking about in there, Ronin? I see the wheels turning.”

  I slip my arm around her waist and dip her backwards, making her squeal. “You, that’s all.” I lift her back up and smack her butt to end the flirting and get us back on track, because we are already fashionably late and people are probably tired of waiting.

  She goes into the bathroom and chats to me non-stop about the dress and her make-up, which she applies as she talks. My phone buzzes and I check it, then text Antoine back and let him know we’re coming in five minutes.

  When she’s done with her make-up she fluffs up her damp hair with the blow dryer, making it cascade down her back in loose raven curls, and then pulls a brush through it. Her feet slip into the white satin shoes and she looks over to me and smiles. Rook hates heels and if she had her way I’m sure she’d be wearing those old-ass red Converse with the holes in the toes. So I made sure her shoes for tonight are comfortable ballet flats. She turns her back to me so I can clasp a necklace around her neck. The only time Rook wears jewelry of any kind is when I put it on her. Otherwise she won’t bother. I hand her some earrings to match the necklace and she puts then on and turns to the mirror.

  “Wow. I look great.”

  I laugh. “Yeah, you really do, Gidget. You clean up nice.”

  “I almost feel like a bride, wearing this white dress.”

  “Don’t taunt me with that image, please.” I take her hand and lead her out of the apartment. “But I’d be more than happy to pretend this is our wedding reception if you like.”

  “OK, spill it. Where are we going?” We walk down the hallway towards the stairs. “Why’s it so dark in here?”

  “I dunno, but you better hold my hand a little tighter so you don’t fall down the stairs.”

  We get to the bottom without killing ourselves and we’re just walking past the terrace when I notice the light out in Rook’s old apartment. “Who’s in your place?” I ask.

  “What?” she asks, craning her neck to see outside. “Huh. I have no idea. Maybe Ford’s in there doing something?”

  “Let’s check it out.” I urge her to follow me over to the terrace doors and punch in my code to open the door. “After you,” I say, waving her forward.

  “It’s dark—” The words are just leaving her mouth when the whole place lights up. Every cherry tree is sparkling with white lights.

  “Surprise!”

  I laugh when she jumps back at the shouts. And then everyone appears from the various alcoves and nooks. Rook’s hand goes up to her mouth. “What’s this?”

  I pull her close as she takes in the scene. Everyone we know is here. Spencer and Veronica, Clare, Ford and his… woman. Antoine and Elise, all the camera and sound crews from the Shrike Show, Director Larry, Billy and his girlfriend, Roger and his wife and a few of the other photographers, the Chaput models, and all the salon girls and their husbands.

  Every man is wearing a black tux and every woman is wearing a white dress.

  “A black-and-white affair for my Gidget. Because Rook, you are one batshit insane chick if you think you can have a birthday around here and not be embarrassed with a huge over-the-top production!”

  She cries.

  And I hug her close as everyone comes over, smiling and laughing at putting one over on her and making her tear up with happiness.

  She turns and hugs me hard, then dips her mouth to my ear. “Ronin Flynn, you are my forever guy. I’d just like to say that right now. You are my forever guy.”

  “I fully plan on holding you to it, Gidget. One hundred percent. Now let’s have some fucking fun with our family and friends.”

  Chapter Six - ROOK

  I’m living in a fairy tale.

  Seriously.

  The entire terrace is something magical. The cherry trees are awash with soft white lights, the late September air is crisp but not cold, and for once, there is not even a hint of wind. I just look around and take it all in as the musicians play a soft string piece. I burn the sight, the sound, and the smell into my memory for safekeeping. Because one day, when life is hard, or ugly, or depressing, I’ll be able to think back on this night. Even if I never have another moment as special as this for as long as I live, I will be OK because I will always have this memory.

  Ronin’s arm tightens around my waist and then he pulls me in close, turning my body so I’m pressed against his chest. He takes my hand in his and we dance.

  I don’t even know how to dance like this, but it doesn’t matter. I just drop my head on his shoulder and let him lead, my feet making small steps as he whispers in my ear. “Do you like it?”

  I don’t even look up because I can’t bear to lift my head from the place on his shoul
der where it fits perfectly. “I love it, Larue.”

  His chest rises a little with his chuckle. “I have a gift for you too.”

  “Isn’t this party the gift?”

  He kisses me on the head and pulls me in so close, we are like one person. “Hardly, Gidget. A party isn’t a gift, it’s a celebration. Mine is with all the others.”

  I do look up now. “What others?”

  He points over to a table near the door and sure enough, there’s a pile of pretty presents. “Oh, wow. Why did you make them bring presents?” I complain on the outside, but inside I’m clapping like an idiot and screaming presents, presents, presents!

  “I didn’t make them, Rook. They just wanted to.”

  I’m so happy I could cry, but I don’t want Ronin to get the wrong idea, so I squeal instead. “Let’s open them now!”

  He laughs. God, I love when he laughs. Those blue fucking eyes sparkle and his whole face beams. How did such an amazing man fall for me? I don’t get it. “Not now, Gidge, I’m trying to monopolize your time and keep that creep Ford from cutting in.”

  “May I cut in?” I laugh as Ford’s voice comes from behind me. “I promise to give her back.”

  Ronin smiles down at me. “I dunno, Ford. She’s looking pretty content right now.”

  I peek back at Ford and smile. “Oh, absolutely, Ford. Because I want to know all about that date you brought. Like every single detail.”

  We all look over at her at the same time. She’s… older. Mid-thirties, older.

  I turn to Ronin. “I need that story. Come save me from His Weirdness in five minutes.”

  He hands me off and Ford slides in next to me without even breaking the little shuffling dance Ronin and I were doing. “Is she the… girlfriend?”

  A smirk from Ford. “I told you, I’d never call them girlfriends.”

  I look at her again as Ford turns us on the patio. She’s tall, blonde, thin, and wearing an elegant white dress that goes just past her knees but hugs all her curves. Her hair is piled into a sophisticated up-do that even Josie would envy. “What’s her name?”

  “She has no name.”

  I laugh. “Ford.”

  “I’m serious. I never get their names.”

  “Is she a call-girl?”

  He scowls. “No, I don’t pay for sex, Rook.”

  “Hmmmm. I’m not sure what to think.”

  “I told you, I do not give a fuck about people. I wasn’t kidding. I use them, they use me. Everyone is happy.”

  “But you’re not using me.”

  “Of course I am. You’re filling the friend role for now.”

  I look up at him and he winks.

  “I’m not sure if you’re serious.”

  “I am serious.”

  My thoughts are racing as we continue to spin slowly.

  “But just so we’re clear, I do like you and I’m oddly drawn to what you do with your life. I’m not sure why, but I feel like I need to participate in it. So, I’m sorry, but you’re stuck with me.”

  I shake my head as Ronin comes back. “OK, I can see him morphing into psycho Ford in real time, so that’s enough.”

  Ford drops my hand and backs off. “I have a present for you tonight, Rook. But I have another one for you as well. I’ll give it to you tomorrow at Spencer’s place.”

  And then he just walks away.

  I look over at Ronin and he just sighs. “I give up. I can’t predict him, I can’t control him, and I can’t compete with him. He’s your weirdo friend now, Rook. I wash my hands.”

  I lean up and kiss Ronin’s soft lips. He responds with his twisty tongue and I melt a little. He does this to me every time. “Ford is weird. He says he doesn’t even know that woman’s name.”

  “Well, that I believe. I’m not sure how he even gets them to participate in his—” Ronin stops before he completes the sentence. “Never mind, I’m not sure I want to go there.” And then he literally shakes his head and grabs me by the waist and pulls me close again. “I had the caterers prepare the perfect dinner for us tonight. Guess what it is?”

  “Snails and goose liver?”

  He laughs. “You peeked!”

  I lean up and kiss him one more time because his lips are like the siren’s song, they call to me, they blind me to everything around me. “I don’t care what you ordered me tonight, I’ll eat it because you want me to have it.”

  “Ah, that’s a good little Gidget.” And then I squeal as he spanks my ass, drawing the attention of all the partygoers.

  My cheeks go hot and I turn back to Ronin. “I will have to punish you for that later, Larue.”

  “Promises, promises.”

  The terrace is sprinkled with round tables and real white linen tablecloths set with so many utensils I get a little overwhelmed. But Ronin leans in to my ear as he slides my chair in and whispers, “You can slurp your soup with the butter knife if you want, Rook. No one gives a shit, so stop thinking about it.”

  Veronica is two chairs down on my left and her boisterous laugh fills the night air. “Too true, Ronin. No one here gives a fuck what fork you use, Rook!” She leans past Spencer who is next to me, picks up my champagne glass, clinks it with her own, and then thrusts it towards me so I’m compelled to take it. “Cheers, sweetie. Since you’re not trying to steal Spencer from me, and I did take a bullet for you a few weeks ago”—everyone groans at her over-exaggeration—“I think we’ll be friends.”

  And even though Veronica scares me a little with her perpetual smoking—which isn’t even real, she only smokes e-cigs—and her over-the-top self-confidence, I feel warm inside. I like Elise and Josie, but they have been besties for a long time so there’s not much room for a new girl who’s a lot younger than them. I’d like to have my own package deal, so maybe Veronica and I can be like that. We’re closer in age, she’s twenty-two and I’m twenty now. Plus, she lives up in FoCo, and I’ll be close by at Spencer’s place. I’m sure she’ll be around a lot, so making her my new BFF is probably a smart idea.

  Our table has Ronin and me, Veronica and Spencer, and Ford and no-name. We’re going boy-girl tonight, so I’m in between Spencer and Ronin. Ford’s woman is on Ronin’s right, so that puts Ford across from me with Veronica on his right. Everyone seems to be ignoring Ford’s date and I sorta feel bad. “So,” I say, loud enough to draw her attention. “I didn’t get your name earlier.”

  Her eyes sweep past me, over Spencer and Veronica, and then rest on Ford.

  Ronin leans in. “She’s not allowed to talk, Gidge.”

  And this is when I notice the thin diamond choker around her neck. At first glance it looks like a piece of jewelry with a little charm on it. But… it’s not.

  It’s… a collar.

  “Hmmm. Well, that’s interesting.” I look over at Ford and he looks pretty proud of himself. “Should I drop it?”

  All the guys chuckle as Ford nods, then Veronica takes over. “She’s a pet, Rook. If you make her break the rules Ford will have her bark for us, and as fun as that sounds, I’m really not up for it tonight. So just pretend she’s not there.”

  “Okaaaaay. I’m ready for dinner.”

  The waiters arrive and begin placing silver domed plates in front of us. Ronin stands just as they finish and taps his glass with a spoon. “A toast for Rook.” He pulls me to my feet and when I look around I get a little embarrassed with all the attention. Every face has turned to me. “Rook.” Ronin brings my attention back to him. “Four months ago you literally appeared on my doorstep. And the minute I saw you, I knew—” My heart flutters for a second and I have to take a deep breath because I’m not sure what he’s gonna say. “I knew”—his voice softens as he looks me in the eyes—“that you were something special.”

  The whole terrace erupts into a collective, “Awwwww.”

  “And this party is just a way for all of us”—his arms spread out towards all the tables—“to show you how much we care.” And then he leans down and kisses me, whisperi
ng “I love you,” as he pulls back. “Cheers!”

  Everyone cheers as Ronin and I take our seats and then Spencer cries out, “Let’s eat!”

  I lift the silver dome off my plate and bust out laughing. “Ronin Flynn, you are a sneak.”

  But he’s my sneak, and I love him for it. Because on my plate is the most delicious-looking cheeseburger I’ve ever seen, nestled on top of a giant mound of French fries.

  Chapter Seven - ROOK

  “What are you laughing about?” Ronin asks later as his hands slip around my waist and slide down to rub my stomach.

  I’m standing over by my old garden apartment looking down at the people on the street. It’s Friday night, so it’s really busy. I turn to face him and casually drape my arms over his shoulders. “You know me pretty well, Larue. I thought for sure dinner would be something funky and French.”

  He chuckles. “It was either salads with chicken on them or hamburgers. And guess who made the final decision?”

  “Um, the pregnant lady over there stuffing her face with strawberry shortcake?”

  “That’d be the one.”

  We both watch Elise chew and chat with Josie at the same time. Antoine is also watching her from across the terrace and you can just tell he’s dying to say something to her about talking with her mouth full. He hates that. But his hand scrubs his scratchy chin for a moment and he thinks better of it. Wise man.

  “I’m falling hard for you, Rook. I hope you know that.”

  I look up at this incredible man and I have no words for what I feel. I’m not falling for Ronin, I’m laid out flat on my face. He is the perfect man. He’s put up with so much from me. He’s stood by me when I insisted on making mistakes, and planned an entire con job so that Jon would get his karmic payback. He deserves so much more than the indecision and distance I’ve given him over the past few months.

  “I told you a while back that I’d like to belong to you, Ronin. Someday.”

  His hand cups my face and his thumb traces the curve of my chin.